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Talk:Mario's Secret/@comment-25400723-20141231092543
Oh boy. This... this was messy. There's a lot of problems here. First off, this pasta is just part of the big "Gaming Pasta Melting Pot". What I mean by that is that this pasta has the exact same premise of.. well.. every other gaming pasta I've read over the past few months (And all the other ones before that). I'm not neccesarily saying that it's a bad thing, I'm just saying that basically every idea here in this story has been used in more than one other story, which makes this one all the worse. Yes, I'm aware that it's hard to come up with new and awesome ideas for your gaming pasta, but at the same time you could easily avoid having your story end up like all the others by using less and less cliches. But if you don't want your gaming pasta to end up like the others, and you don't know what's cliche and what's not, what do you do? I'd suggest reading some other gaming pastas that have gotten good reviews, and extra praise for not being too cliched (This is one of mine. You can use it to find what is cliche and what isn't. But if you don't want to read it, that's okay. Anyways, here's the link if you're interested: City Typing Adventure) Now the second thing I'll talk about is all the cliches in this. Now I've already given you some tips on how to avoid cliches, but if you really want to know more then check out this handy little guide here. So far I can spot basically all of the cliches I know about. There is the narrator having night terrors or nightmares about the game, there is the weird happenings in the game, there is the narrator shrugging off basically everything weird happening, and then there is the game breaking the fourth wall (Talking to or communicating to the narrator in some way or another). All of those cliches are usually found in any generic gaming pasta. There's nothing wrong with them, they were all good ideas at one time, it's just that they're way too overused. And the third and final thing I'd like to address is the spelling, grammar and overall layout of this story. So the one thing that REALLY bugs me here is the fact that basically every sentence is a run-on sentence. A lot of these sentences could be shortened by using periods and commas. The spelling however, was good. Now the layout of this story was horrendous. The pacing was super fast, and the idea wasn't very good. Not saying that the idea was the worst idea I've ever seen, it's just that there's a ton of gaming pastas out there about Mario (And a lot of them aren't very good, thus ruining the "Mario Pasta"). Don't worry, you'll get better at writing. You just need to work more on your writing skills. My final verdict? 3/10 and that's being generous Keep on working! ~King